Loneliness

 I've been reading about loneliness and how not to be lonely. One tip was to start a blog. 

I've always felt different. Others my age had childish fears and problems. I was abused by both parents and brothers, plus my parents were pros at parentification. There was no space for me to be a child. I could only be a punching bag or a mother to my useless parents. They would burden me with their adult problems, not caring that I showed no interest in their stupid problems. 

Since I remember, I was a shy introvert. Now I know it was actually a justified fear of people. I wasn't taught how to protect myself plus my parents never defended me, so I was an ideal victim. For so many years people criticised me bc I was not a loud extrovert. I blamed myself also, thinking it's my fault. It's actually the extraverts' fault. They just can't shut up or think about others. I can't imagine talking about sth for 20 mins straight while my introverted colleague looks like he's contemplating death. 

The solution to loneliness seems easy: open up, leave the house and talk to someone. The problem is the astonishingly common lack of empathy. People don't even try to pretend they care. I never put a gun to someone's head and ordered them to say sth immature. People do that unprompted and unprovoked. I'd be ashamed to minimise someone's pain, but others love it. For example, I complained about my parents' extremely nightmarish divorce. A classmate asked, annoyed, 'What, were they supposed to continue suffering together?' Hearing sth so awful makes me want to turn around, walk towards the woods and never return.